Briefly trending on Twitter last Friday was the hashtag #TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs. It dropped off the radar almost as quickly as it appeared, but produced some profound statements about what it’s like to live with depression. Here are a few that stood out to me.
You can be on the right medication, exercise regularly, have a great sleep schedule, and still be depressed. #TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs—
Charles Clymer (@cmclymer) August 07, 2015
This is true, and it’s incredibly frustrating. You can be doing all the right things, and still feel crappy. Checking all the boxes on the list isn’t a cure. That being said, not doing all the things tends to make me worse—if I don’t get enough sleep, for instance, my mental health crashes.
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs sometimes, you don't even know what's wrong anymore—
s h a r i n a (@shxr_a) August 07, 2015
Answer: Everything and nothing. Nothing and everything. You want to be hugged and you want no one to touch you. You want to be somewhere else but you can’t think of anywhere else to be.
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs having the drive and ambition to get stuff done, and the brain chemistry that wastes your whole day.—
Jenny Trout (@Jenny_Trout) August 07, 2015
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs the inertia.—
Knuck1es (@knck1es) August 08, 2015
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs trying to live a normal life that includes work, relationships, health, etc when you have zero energy.—
Baenerys (@Auragasmic) August 07, 2015
Look at all the time you have to do exciting things today! says my brain. But ugh, I don’t want to do any of those things, and now I can’t remember what all of them are, and what if you forget to do something more important?
It doesn’t take very long to get to, I actually don’t have the energy to do anything and there’s no time to finish anything properly so why even start? I wonder what it’s like to have mental energy every single day.
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs that you're afraid to be happy..even for a moment.—
Atiqa (@atiqalabiba4) August 08, 2015
Because what if you forget that important thing you need to worry about? My subconscious seems to believe that if it enjoys happiness it has not earned, something bad will happen.
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs fighting a disorder that wants to kill you. Knowing that depression lies but not being sure which are the lies.—
(@TheBloggess) August 07, 2015
How can you be sure which parts are the lies? What if you really are making a fool of yourself? What if you really are ugly? I get annoyed with discussions on how to combat “imposter syndrome” for this reason—the cures all seem to revolve around recognizing your true accomplishments, but that requires (a) having true accomplishments and (b) believing part (a).
Then there’s this one, which is utterly terrifying:
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs worrying for the day when you see it creep into your children's eyes.—
Sarah Tuttle (@niais) August 08, 2015
I’m just going to stay in denial about the fact that my kid has some of my genes, OK? I mean it—if I never admit that this is something I’d ever have to worry about, then it must not exist as a threat. Right? Right?
I added a few contributions, including this:
#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs not knowing if the fatigue means you need more meds, or less.—
Crazy Grad Mama (@crazygradmama) August 08, 2015
It was kind of nice to know that this struck a chord with at least two other people. That I’m not the only one for whom worrying about fatigue is a component of my mental health.
Finally, there was this guy, who, really, says it all:
Single Dad (@Lonely_Dad) August 07, 2015
Readers, what would you add?